Something new has happened in the last couple years. I have had a new realization – I started noticing a voice inside my head that I had not noticed previously. The thing is, I know it has always been there. And, before you think I have totally fallen off my rocker, it isn’t like I am schizophrenic; it is my thoughts – not something outside. I had thoughts and judgments that I was not fully conscious of. Why they have become louder and something I notice now I am not so sure.
What I first noticed is that I had a voice that was providing guidance. This voice would provide me information on a situation around me; a voice that would trigger a physical feeling. It would tell me the person I was speaking to, or the decision I was making in the moment was not someone positive for my life, or that it was not something I wanted to be doing. I would immediately not trust it and I would rationalize it away. I would basically argue the true guidance away.
The next thing I noticed was the judgment and critical voice around all that I did. If I watched a few hours of TV instead of cleaning the house; if I didn’t get enough done, if I didn’t do something at work that I thought I needed to do this voice came out like a vengeance. It beat me up – it drove guilt, it argued with a part of me that was trying to be easier on me.
I came to a realization recently through visiting some past history, where some very clear understanding of what not listening to that initial guidance led to. By not listening to my instincts, my intuition, my gut feelings — I made choices – that had I listened to the gut feelings, may not have been made in the same way. Obviously, these choices have all brought me to where I am today (a place that I would never want to change). Although I do see where I was stalled in some areas of my growth, I continued to strive to look inside and grow and be a better person. Today, I see where I have been living in a protective shell, hiding away from the truth – hiding from being able to be authentic and real with others and myself. The voice has provided me visibility into many things about myself. And, I am just beginning!
Today – I experienced it.
This term was coined by Daniel Goleman. He is behind EQ – Emotional Intelligence. His work is based on the neuroscientist Joseph E. LeDoux’s focused work on the mechanisms of fear. In a high level description, it is the activity that takes on in the brain when one experiences something that scares them. Often this can be something that is not even rational. Based on our own dysfunctional upbringings we have things that we are overly sensitive over. Someone can say or do something that flips a switch inside of us and we find ourselves reacting irrationally before we have the ability to get a hold of the emotions. Voices may raise, our physical bodies react – our heartbeat quickens, we stop breathing, our blood circulation and blood flow is actually reduced, there are chemicals released into our body. When we experience that hijack and we feel a reaction and go into a flight or fight mode the adrenal glands release hormones called CATECHOLAMINES – adrenaline and noradrenalin are released when our bodies experience this Amygdala Hijack.
From the thalamus, a part of the stimulus goes directly to the Amygdala while another part is sent to the thinking part of our brain. If there are experiences recorded in our memory that tells us this is a flight or fight situation, the Amygdala will take over the thinking part of our brain by releasing the hormones. The emotional brain registers activity milliseconds earlier than the rational brain so we end up reacting before the rational thinking responses can be activated.
Goleman explains that this hijack exhibits three signs: “strong emotional reaction, sudden onset and post episode realization that the reaction was inappropriate.”
I was having a loving, nice conversation with a family member when suddenly they said something that triggered this response in me. My reaction actually caused the same reaction in them; which took the conversation into a very ugly drama filled experience. Afterwards, I worked to capture the things said and done by myself and them so I can review and work to find a way to respond rather than react when something like this happens again in the future. Although I believe my thinking brain did re-enter the scene the hormones within the body made it very easy for the thinking brain to be slow to the respond to their reaction. What a vicious circle.
It is quite the coincidence that discussion in a leadership class I attend discussed this hijack yesterday.
So…. I can label it – now to be able to find the ability to always be present enough to let the thinking brain be faster than the Amygdala!!!!
Life has had many changes for me. As I looked at how to work on finding the balance and joy from life as I have hit many bumps in the road emotionally; I knew I wanted to start up blogging again. What I contemplated was whether to start completely over or to continue here. As I look at my old (WAY old by the way!) posts I believe that the story this blog shows is telling.
I have been one that wants true authenticity. If I started blogging somewhere else in more of a hidden manner that goes against what my heart believes. Is it scary? It really, truly is… Very Scary.
My biggest change; my husband and I separated and then divorced after being together for 19 years. That is a long time to be with someone. This was final in September of 2014. The year up to and including this period of time has been very much a roller coaster ride.
Now it is time to create the life that I want. This life includes my beautiful daughter and working to ensure she has stability and feels nothing but love. This life includes my work, the career of being a leader in the chaotic corporate world and leading others to find balance and joy amidst that environment. This life also includes ME. I have often put ME, last. As I did this, I found myself in situations that I stayed in without thoroughly thinking through.
Welcome to 2014 — Time for renewal – for clear intentions and lots and lots of joy and love!
Yes, it has been 10 months, but — I AM BACK!
I work for a company that was purchased, it has been called a merger, but we were bought. The integration and my new job began officially in April of this year; however the work and interviews and the unknowns all began October/November of 2010. It has turned my life quite upside down. My regular exercising, my healthier (although not perfect) eating habits, my personal development study, my fairly balanced life — went crazy, upside down! My new job in this merging company has meant travel, a new boss – who is actually a former boss (who luckily is AWESOME), a new team, and an entirely unclear and unknown, chaotic world. I have spent time on projects which have ran into brick walls of political spiderwebs. I have started projects only to find others are also doing the same thing. I have been given lead on projects that confusingly get pulled. Bottom line — totally and completely upside down.
I have missed my husband and daughter – a lot! The toughest part has been the travel and the time required for work pulling me away from home. Several missed events at school; missed pick ups. All of this is so extremely difficult. My husband has been unbelievably supportable through all of this. He helps ground me; knowing I have them always, to come home to, to depend on; helps me make it through all the craziness.
In the last week, I have realized that my new job is giving me something new, something I haven’t necessarily had before. I am managing other managers. Usually I have managed mostly individual contributors. This is new for me, and as I realized, is giving me an opportunity to really do something that I love. I can work and strive to be an influence for people who are responsible for managing teams of people. Our company is going through very tough times; it requires strong leadership skills, new leadership skills. I really am getting to pursue my passion. Helping others and teams be successful, strong, balanced teams. I certainly am in a place that will make this not only necessary — but also hugely challenging.
Don’t Quit Till You Have Nothing Left
We can all do more than what we think we can do! Can we be our own coach and drive ourselves to the point that we have nothing left? Till we reach our desires? To continue working with our kids to help them reach adulthood with a good base to make it in our world; to learn and grow?
Friday Funny – RIGHT FROM THE HEART!!!
What do you think success is? It is completely subjective, it is different for every person out there. John Maxwell, someone who has been in the business of leadership and success describes his finding. He said it is understanding your purpose in life. Knowing your purpose in life becomes a stability for ones life. It creates true focus and it becomes an anchor in life that becomes a confidence based on a knowledge of purpose.
As I have moved into finding my passions and purpose, I agree with what he says. How about you? What do you think success is?
Zig was one of the first teachers/motivational speakers I heard and he still is one of my favorite. I want to share some of the notes I have about his thoughts on success!
“Success is never about acquiring what you want in one area of life but in every area of life.”
It is important to balance out your life and to me – I feel that is isn’t so much a balance but the idea of harmonizing. You never really BALANCE – you focus on one area and it will improve and then there will be something else that falls out of the current, but basically to have success one must harmonize the work that they do on themselves in every area of life.
“People often complain about the lack of time, when lack of direction is the real problem”
Without having some clear goals your actions and time are spent floating to what ever might seem most important at the time. Your time ends up being spent on things that are someone’s fire, they could be yours, or perhaps… not. If you live your life always putting out the fires without knowing what direction you are headed it is very possible that the resulting feelings and emotions are overwhelmed. Having goals gives you that direction.
“Staying motivated takes daily work, just like you need a daily bath”
Because what our minds take in is 80% negative (a study that Zig refers to) it is important to ensure we are working with as much motivational and positive stuff that we can. In addition to keeping motivated, keeping up with this spiritual/mental work will help you work with your own self limiting beliefs. “You are what you are and where you are because of what’s gone into your mind – You can change what you are, you can change where you are, by changing what goes into your mind”
“You can have anything in your life you want, if you will just help enough people get what they want”
We are living in a world of teaming and collaboration. If you sincerely and freely help others get what they want, if you work from a place of true service, it will get you where you need to go to do the things that you want to do. And that helps you become the person you want to become.
This Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom brought to you Right From the Heart!
This is my first Techie Tuesday blog! As I start doing these, I thought I would share and teach some of the things that I do that help save me time. This first blog is about RSS Feeds. I use RSS feeds to get the information I need without having to surf for it, or have a ton of bookmarked places that I go check. This helps by notifying ME when there is new information. I do not need to take time finding the information I need. I have several feeds due to having several interests. I have interests in Personal Development, improving my blogging, social media activity and also I watch new technology; how it could affect my business.
What is an RSS Feed?
RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication. It has also been called Rich Site Summary. It had been started by an individual who worked for Netscape but wasn’t supported by Netscape and was continued in a working group that enhanced and improved it. It is used to feed blog posts, news headlines, and other information in a standardized format. The feed can include a summary or the entire feed. You subscribe to these feeds.
How do you read an RSS Feed?
An RSS feed is read through a “Reader”. A reader is software and aggregates all of the feeds that you subscribe to. The software can be web-based, desk top based or can be read on a mobile device.
What Readers Exist?
There are hundreds of readers! For a great list and comparisons see the great wiki site.
What are the first steps in order to start?
First step is to choose a Reader. I use Google Reader so I will show how to use the Google Reader, but I will also show you how to use the IE (Internet Explorer) built in application as well.
To register for Google Reader, go to www.reader.google.com
Create an Account (If you have a gmail account (or any other google based account) you can use this account.)
Fill out the information required to get started with Google reader.
Verify your account; (Google makes a phone verification to ensure that automated applications are not setting up accounts and access. You will need to send a verification code to your cell phone or have them make a live call with the code.)
You are now ready to subscribe to feeds.
Subscribing to feeds
There are two ways to subscribe; one directly through the site and the other is by copy/pasting the URL into the reader directly.
You find the RSS symbol at most sites, be they blogs, or news sites. If they have the RSS symbol, like my site; you can click on the RSS feed symbol
After you click on RSS different things will occur. If it comes up and gives you different options, Google Reader will be an option. The other scenario is what you see when you click on my RSS you get the following:
After clicking on Subscribe to this feed you will see:
After this point you are subscribed to the feed and will be able to view this feed in the IE reader, but this is not your Google Reader. To view in IE; simply click on the “Favorites Center” shown below:
When you click on that star — you will get a menu that allows you to read it —
This green arrow will then lock this in place and you will then be able to see your subscribed feeds; without adding it to Google Reader.
More on RSS feeds and especially on how to get this added to your Google Reader next Techie Tuesday!!!
Any questions? Please feel free to contact me –