Something new has happened in the last couple years. I have had a new realization – I started noticing a voice inside my head that I had not noticed previously. The thing is, I know it has always been there. And, before you think I have totally fallen off my rocker, it isn’t like I am schizophrenic; it is my thoughts – not something outside. I had thoughts and judgments that I was not fully conscious of. Why they have become louder and something I notice now I am not so sure.
What I first noticed is that I had a voice that was providing guidance. This voice would provide me information on a situation around me; a voice that would trigger a physical feeling. It would tell me the person I was speaking to, or the decision I was making in the moment was not someone positive for my life, or that it was not something I wanted to be doing. I would immediately not trust it and I would rationalize it away. I would basically argue the true guidance away.
The next thing I noticed was the judgment and critical voice around all that I did. If I watched a few hours of TV instead of cleaning the house; if I didn’t get enough done, if I didn’t do something at work that I thought I needed to do this voice came out like a vengeance. It beat me up – it drove guilt, it argued with a part of me that was trying to be easier on me.
I came to a realization recently through visiting some past history, where some very clear understanding of what not listening to that initial guidance led to. By not listening to my instincts, my intuition, my gut feelings — I made choices – that had I listened to the gut feelings, may not have been made in the same way. Obviously, these choices have all brought me to where I am today (a place that I would never want to change). Although I do see where I was stalled in some areas of my growth, I continued to strive to look inside and grow and be a better person. Today, I see where I have been living in a protective shell, hiding away from the truth – hiding from being able to be authentic and real with others and myself. The voice has provided me visibility into many things about myself. And, I am just beginning!
There were a couple motivations behind this slide work. For months I have been cutting out pictures from magazines that we are throwing out in preparation for making a vision board. For those of you that don’t know what this is… a vision board is something that has been around for YEARS and has become more popular recently with the attention on Law of Attraction; many teachers instruct their students to create one. Although there are many ways of creating a vision board; basically it is the process of taking pictures of things you wish to create in your life, from magazines, taken with your camera – anywhere – and then creating a collage on a poster board. For example, if you wish to work at home; you can find a picture of someone obviously in a home office with their child with them. You desire that new Mercedes – cut it out and add it to your board. This board should then be placed in a location where you can look at it – all the time. If you can get your subconscious to see the things you desire more often then you are feeding to your brain and thoughts that this is yours. So, I took this idea of a vision board then I added the things that I am grateful for, things I already DO have in my life. My intention here is that you get to know me a bit better. This digital format will miss a big point of a real vision board – it will not be somewhere where I see it all the time. Perhaps someday soon I will get to my actual vision board! Until then, I hope that this serves its purpose. Would love your comments, questions, etc!