Yes, it has been 10 months, but — I AM BACK!
I work for a company that was purchased, it has been called a merger, but we were bought. The integration and my new job began officially in April of this year; however the work and interviews and the unknowns all began October/November of 2010. It has turned my life quite upside down. My regular exercising, my healthier (although not perfect) eating habits, my personal development study, my fairly balanced life — went crazy, upside down! My new job in this merging company has meant travel, a new boss – who is actually a former boss (who luckily is AWESOME), a new team, and an entirely unclear and unknown, chaotic world. I have spent time on projects which have ran into brick walls of political spiderwebs. I have started projects only to find others are also doing the same thing. I have been given lead on projects that confusingly get pulled. Bottom line — totally and completely upside down.
I have missed my husband and daughter – a lot! The toughest part has been the travel and the time required for work pulling me away from home. Several missed events at school; missed pick ups. All of this is so extremely difficult. My husband has been unbelievably supportable through all of this. He helps ground me; knowing I have them always, to come home to, to depend on; helps me make it through all the craziness.
In the last week, I have realized that my new job is giving me something new, something I haven’t necessarily had before. I am managing other managers. Usually I have managed mostly individual contributors. This is new for me, and as I realized, is giving me an opportunity to really do something that I love. I can work and strive to be an influence for people who are responsible for managing teams of people. Our company is going through very tough times; it requires strong leadership skills, new leadership skills. I really am getting to pursue my passion. Helping others and teams be successful, strong, balanced teams. I certainly am in a place that will make this not only necessary — but also hugely challenging.
Don’t Quit Till You Have Nothing Left
We can all do more than what we think we can do! Can we be our own coach and drive ourselves to the point that we have nothing left? Till we reach our desires? To continue working with our kids to help them reach adulthood with a good base to make it in our world; to learn and grow?
What do you think success is? It is completely subjective, it is different for every person out there. John Maxwell, someone who has been in the business of leadership and success describes his finding. He said it is understanding your purpose in life. Knowing your purpose in life becomes a stability for ones life. It creates true focus and it becomes an anchor in life that becomes a confidence based on a knowledge of purpose.
As I have moved into finding my passions and purpose, I agree with what he says. How about you? What do you think success is?
“All my decisions had brought me growth in one way or another. I learned that taking responsibility for the love, or the lack of love in my life, was the tool through which to create a different experience.”
“Where once I’d been dealing with guilt, I was finding growth; where once I’d been dealing with hate, I was finding compassion; where once I’d been feeling resentful, I was feeling autonomous.”
When I first picked up this book, my first thought was “uh oh”… I often shut down when I hear or see something I consider “religious”. This is something I am learning to be more open minded and tolerant of. Reading this book gives me even more evidence that I should be more open and and a push to be less judgmental! Had I missed out reading this book because of an initial judgment that it was religious I would have been the one that missed out.
As my aim is to do things Right From the Heart, her preface captured my full attention with the first sentence. Betsy Otter Thompson’s first words of the Preface are “The heart is a magical organ.” She goes on to describe how she feels our hearts work independent from our body system. This book is basically her conversation with Jesus made through her heart. She indicates that she “opens her heart, receives a feeling, and lets that feeling express.” Do not expect the book to be historically accurate as that is not the purpose. The book takes and discusses topics; twenty-three of them in total. At the end of each chapter there are a set of questions that deal with the topic just read often leading you to think through something about yourself. After these questions there are some more that lead you to evaluate yourself even more. And at the very end she ends with her own personal insight and what she learned working through the particular topic. This book takes you on an internal spiritual journey that provokes emotions, thoughts and an analysis of yourself.
The title: Walking Through Illusion; refers to the idea that all we have around us is an illusion. It is a life we are living; but we only experience things as we assign meaning to it and that’s it… by changing the meaning we assign the experience we can completely alter our lives. This makes whatever we are dealing with – only an illusion. As she (and Jesus) describe in her book, we are actors working through lessons that we chose to learn and work through prior to entering this specific life. “They were illusionary experiments to expand our hearts so that when we left these dramas, we had the needed emotion for the next performance taking our hearts even deeper.”
I loved all of the chapters, they were all thought provoking; however, I thought I would discuss at a high level a few of my favorites.
Obstacles: What obstacles stymie growth?
“Obstacles enter your life when you deprive others of what you think you deserve.”
This chapter deals with obstacles, whether that be illness or lacking – basically any dis-ease. The key is to realize that all obstacles, no matter what they are – are emotional. This gets back to the illusion again, they aren’t something “out there” they are “in here” and all obstacles offer some type of personal development. Everything offers some type of positive outcome in the end.
Opinions: Can we control our opinions?
Bottom line, this chapter says you respect other’s opinions when you respect your own. As one fault finds; this puts our focus on the thing that is negative and it hurts and it also will cause the mirror to reflect on ourselves what we are inflicting on others. If we find ourselves in judgment it is important to focus on finding who it is we ourselves are judging. This chapter also dealt with blaming; how we often blame our parents. We can’t change our past, but we can change our future thus it is important that we look and decide where we want our future to go. Even if those we are blaming change that will not change our problems, it will improve their life, not ours. We can only deal with us, our emotions and what we-ourselves are dealing with.
Advice: Whose advice is worthy?
“Trust that you are everything you need to be. Trust that life has meaning. Trust that goals have purpose, trust that ‘being’ is enough.”
Because I often get defensive when others try to give me advice (more so for those that are closer to me – like my husband!) this chapter hit home. This chapter points out that we are always mirroring our own behavior. Thus I was urged to look at my own life and understand how often I offer unsolicited advice. Understanding that if I focused on giving others support and only offering advice if asked that I would break through the illusion of having others offer their unsolicited advice. I now see a very interesting illusion in our family. Between my daughter and husband, they are both telling each other how and when and why to do things and I am left out of most of this interaction.
Hearts (of course!): What constitutes a big heart?
“An obsession with the picture to the exclusion of his heart created a mind out of sync with its purpose. A mind out of sync with its purpose created a body out of sync with its purpose. A body out of sync with its purpose had no reason for being.”
This chapter spoke to purpose and legacy, which, is at the top of my list of topics (am teaching it at CFU) so this chapter also resonated with me. It is important to look at the different legacies we want (and perhaps do not want) to leave. I took away from this chapter that it is important to appreciate life and that our bottom line purpose is to look for personal growth and development within our own lives.
Betrayal: Why is betrayal so painful?
“Betrayal is an act of doing in a way you’d hate to be done to.”
My notes from this chapter: If I am resenting others, I am resenting myself. If I resent myself others will resent me. If I resent myself resentment poisons the mind. If it poisons the mind it will poison the body. Basically outward actions reflect an inward action. Betsy’s personal notes captured much of what I felt as well. When you hear the word betrayal you picture something quite bad, but betrayal is basically doing things to others that you do not want done to you… thoughts, judgements, laughs, snickers and any other minor offense counts.
Bottom line – READ THIS BOOK!!!!
About the Author: A native Philadelphian with a B.F.A. from the University of Pennsylvania, Betsy worked as an account executive for WFIL radio in Philadelphia, and from there went to radio stations WPEN and WFLN. After that, she became a commercial print model and acted in television commercials in New York and Philadelphia. For seventeen years, she worked in Los Angeles at the motion picture and television company Castle Rock Entertainment as the Assistant to the Chairman and CEO. In August ’99, she followed her boss to Warner Bros. as he took a new position there as President and COO, and became his Executive Assistant. She is now writing full time. Betsy’s writing began unexpectedly while going through an especially difficult time in her life. She believes that her books were the answer to her prayers.
I ran into this as I was reading comments from one of Darren Hardy’s video blogs. I thought it was great and wanted to share it with others!
I once asked an old man to say something wise,
and the words that unfolded – were a welcome surprise.
He started by saying, “Tell me, son – What is it you seek?”
“Success in hurry,” I blurted, “because my future looks bleak!”
“Times are tough.” I continued, with a little regret.
Because what he said next, I will never forget.
“If quick success is what you seek to find,
it’s already been found – and it’s a matter of time.
You say ‘times are tough’ – and now look at this clock.
There’s more to these hands than the tick and the tock.
You see only one hand in motion, but I can see all three.
It’s the way all things work, just take it from me.
The ‘Seconds’ hand moves fast, so it’s easy to spot;
Soon you’ll recognize it’s the seed, to plant in your plot.
Most see ‘small’ as insignificant, but I know it’s the start;
for your very life lives with the small beats of your heart.
If those never started, or continued – Then where would you be?
Nothing’s insignificant, you see – because seeds become trees.
Your seeds are the small actions that you must eagerly take;
the seconds sprout into minutes – the right time to cultivate.
Keep on moving here, because it takes time and vital care;
we all know who won the race of the Tortoise and Hare.
It wasn’t because the Tortoise was slow that he won the race,
he proved, ‘steady’ fares better than any back-breaking pace.
Minutes are the well-formed habits that add-up to become Hours,
just like seeds become buds, and then those become flowers.
This is a tough time for many – in fact, most will quit.
See, our culture has taught that good results must always come quick.
‘If you’re doing it right – you’ll see results right away.’
But, that’s not the way things work – I’m sorry to say.
Cultivation comes before the harvest – It has always been this way!
As the Seconds become Minutes, soon the Hours will begin to pass.
You’re on the track to success, just check your looking glass.
Your looking glass is in your mind’s eye – and only you can see it there,
Look there for your results, or else you’ll begin to look elsewhere.
Consistency with a purpose is what you are after,
and vision for outcomes is what you will master.
The fruit of the harvest, has arrived in your mind,
taste it, and feel it – it’s the best of it’s kind.
Hours and fruit, you’ll have all you need,
Minutes of nourishment, and Seconds of seed.
Although success can’t be hurried, it can be assured.
Don’t be like the others – who’s vision got blurred.
The key to getting started, is to start right away.
Don’t be like the rest – getting started ‘someday’.
Someday never comes, I can say without doubt.
See the tears in my eyes? My time has run out.
Success is not a secret: You have all you need!
It’s your time to get started: Now you are my seed!
You’ve asked for success, and now have the keys in mind,
it’s not about talent, luck, or even hard work – you’ll find;
Success is just a series of simple small steps, repeated in time.”
~ By Tobias Sedillos
This is really great!!
The words to this song is something we should all keep in mind and remember. I love that this is something going out to the kids!
If what I am is what you need then Ill stay strong that’s who I’ll be and I will always be the best me that I can be
There’s only one me I admit have a dream I ‘ll follow it I admit it’s up to me to try
Oh, Im gonna keep my head up high keep on reaching high never gonna quit Ill keep getting stronger And nothing’s gonna bring me down never gonna stop gotta go because I know I’ll keep on getting stronger
And what I am is … thoughtful, musical, smart, eight, helpful, special
There is nothing I can’t achieve because in myself I believe in gonna keep our heads up high keep on reaching high never going to quit Just keep getting stronger and nothing is gonna bring us down never giving up gotta go because I know Ill keep getting stronger
What I am is…. Super, Proud, friendly, grouchy,
What you are is….magical, special
There is nothing I can’t achieve, cause in myself I believe. Going to hold my head up high, keep on reaching high Im never going to stop I’ll keep on getting stronger; Nothings going to bring me down; never give it up gotta go Ill keep getting stronger
I do love Thanksgiving – it is cool to see everyone giving gratitude for things in their life. I know it is important for us all to do this everyday and I do, every morning I spend 5 minutes giving gratitude for the awesomeness that is my life, but I still love the extra love in the air around this holiday. If just FEELS good.
We have found a very comfortable routine for the holidays. A routine on where we go, who comes over here and what we do on each of the holidays around my divorced parents. We are fortunate that we have only these two local family obligations. And it doesn’t feel like an obligation. At least until one particular “newer” family member – gets angry that we aren’t doing something they want us to do.
I don’t want to feel guilty. I refuse to feel guilty. My life is different today. I do things that I love, things that make me comfortable, things that make me happy. Our lives are busy, it is important that we ensure that we arent doing things out of obligation but because it makes us happy. I want to be me, I want to be around others that I am comfortable with during the special times of the holiday. I do not want to be crazy busy only to make everyone happy. Our holidays should be filled with love, with beauty and with enjoyment.
How do we tell those that we love that we don’t want to be with them? How do you make someone understand that just because you don’t want to do what they want you to do, that you care deeply about them?
My answer, show the love. Ensure you do what you need to do for you and show others that you love them. To spite their anger, show them you love them. Be strong, Be you, Be happy – and do it in love. If we act Right From The Heart, it can’t be wrong!!
It is that time of year! As the weather gets cold, Thanksgiving is around the corner and as soon as Thanksgiving hits the holidays and holiday parties are right behind that. And, if you are like me, a daughter’s birthday is in between all of this! In addition to the normal routines and things that need to be done we become busy with meal planning, gift buying, social calendar organizing, baking goodies and for many – this also becomes a time for numerous volunteer activities and needs from schools, work, and in our communities. It is a normal time that we over commit and over do. We over do our commitments, we over do social activities and we over drink and eat. Or at least many do!
If we always do this then it is important to find a way to deal with the emotions that arise during this busy time of year (and can also be applied to other busy, overwhelming times in your life).
One thing is Definite
Not everything will get done. It is fact. And.. life goes on! It always does. I have never heard of someone being physically hurt because something that had been planned didn’t get done. Keep this in mind as you start feeling overwhelmed. Often, something that you have in your mind, on your list to do, that does not get done – will not even be missed (unless you choose to lament about it!!!)
Put your things to do in a priority. Most important to least important. This should follow your values, it it doesn’t you will find that you will not accomplish what you really want and need to, or at minimum you will continue to beat yourself up for not getting everything on your list done.
Perfection can be looked at in two ways. It either NEVER happens or – alternatively it is always perfect. Obsessing over perfection not only drives you crazy it also drives everyone around you crazy. Your family, those you count on helping, etc. If you do YOUR best everything will be just the way it needs to be. And again, depending on how you are more comfortable looking at something, it will either never be perfect, or, you can choose to look at it and know that it is perfect just the way it is.
It IS a busy time, it is a time where we have many things to do, but remember, it does happen to us often (not only at this time of the year) and it ALWAYS works out. Being able to choose a place of knowing this… will make you (and those around you) feel so much better and in the long run, is better for your health!
This last week has been a great week. I keep learning more and more and the things that I am learning seem to be fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. Last post talked about ways to work on the limiting beliefs we have. I met with a new friend and she talked about how the affirmation and subliminal stuff is something that she never got into. I really respect that, her life has been amazing, she has lived in other countries, gotten awesome jobs that she might not have; all without the tools that I work with. For some, the techniques of having a vision, and knowing it will evolve, come naturally and easy. For others, the feelings of inadequacy and impatience often get in our way.
There are some other things that I want to share with you on how to change our limiting beliefs and the habits we have created. This idea moves away from creating new pathways in your brain however I am using it with these tools and techniques. (If you haven’t read this post, you can find it here.)
This particular tool deals with our pain and pleasure. We all operate in our lives by looking for pleasure and avoiding pain. The problem is, we strive for the pleasure or avoidance of pain in the short term results rather than the long term. We will tend to do something that gives us short term pleasure and get pain in the long run. For instance, I have been having difficulty getting myself out of bed early in the morning. Why? Because the short term pleasure (staying in a warm bed) is more important than the long term pain of all the things that don’t get done because I am choosing to go for the short time pleasure. The following are the steps to take to work through changing a habit that you have.
- Ask: what is the pain associated with this action that keeps me from taking it?
- Ask: what are all the pleasures received by not following through?
- Ask: what is the cost of not taking the steps; in the next 2-5 years?
- Ask: what will be gained by taking the action right now?
So, using my problem of getting up:
- The pain associated with getting up is the getting out of a warm bed, feeling tired and finding the pain of waking keeping me hitting the snooze.
- The pleasure is that I get to stay in bed all warm and cuddly and I get more sleep which feels so great!
- The cost is that I am not getting in to work when I want to, I am often not getting the walks in that I love, I am not getting in my reading time, or my journaling time, or my meditation. I am not getting the action steps done that I know I must do in order to have the successful business I want.
- If I woke up early (when I set my alarm) I would get my walks and meditation done which give me more energy for the day, I would get some of my self improvement things done (reading, journaling) which are helping propel me down the path I am determined to walk down and I would get the things done for my business which will take me closer to my dreams.
So, looking at it like this, my goodness, it is totally obvious what I really want to do, what I must do. Even if this seems to convince you, there is another step. The next thing to do is get very solid on why it is you want to make the change. Write 10 reasons why you want to change the habit, or take the action. Get very solid and clear.
By getting clear in our minds why we want to do it and then combine it with some of the tools and techniques talked about in a previous blog, the changed habit will occur soon because you know it must.
As usual I welcome your thoughts and suggestions!
What are Self Limiting Beliefs?
The topic for the last few weeks has been about dealing with controlling people, dealing with the controlling aspect of ones self, habits, and unconscious and conscious thinking. My mind has been centered on the topic of self limiting beliefs.
One way to determine what your self limiting beliefs are is to look at your life. Really analyze it, take out the microscope and look at each area of your life, the physical, financial, your relationships and career. Are all of these areas moving in exactly the way you want them? Do you have a body that is fit and in shape and have you established habits that will keep it that way? Are you out of debt and have the money to do the things that you want to do? Are you set for your retirement? Do you have money for your children’s school? How are your relationships? With your spouse, your kids, your family, friends? And are you doing what you want to do in your life? Do you feel completely fulfilled? If any of these areas are not where you want them, then you are experiencing an area where you have self limiting beliefs.
I found that determining exactly WHAT self limiting beliefs I had was very difficult. I heard that I needed to change them years ago, but how did I know what self limiting beliefs I had?? if I knew they were self limiting I guess I wouldn’t stll have them? I realized recently that the reason I had such a big problem with this was because I have issues with actually hearing my own self talk. All of this self talk was totally happening in my nonconscious or so it seemed. If you are unable to hear your chatter, chances are you are having the same difficulty.
How do you determine what the self limiting beliefs are if you can’t hear your chatter?
The one thing about making a commitment to work on yourself and then taking action and doing small things to improve your life, leads to an improved relationship with yourself. I am now beginning to hear or recognize that self talk; but that didn’t happen over night.
Focus on the Nonconscious brain
Because we need to change the habits, change the years of our self limiting beliefs; it is important to start working on the unconscious brain. If we know we are lacking in certain areas of our life, we know we have self limining beliefs but we often don’t know what they are. This is actually ok. The unconscious brain is busier and more powerful than our conscious brain. So if we focus on changing the nonconscious brain we will, by default, be working on the self limiting beliefs and habits.
We are so lucky to have so many teachers out there teaching us ways to do this. Science is even studying this area. The key is to start working on your nonconscious brain.
Changing your Nonconscious Brain
As my posts have been describing our nonconscious brains are extremely powerful. They are where our habits are created and stored. This is where self limiting beliefs are created and stored. I first heard of this from Jack Canfield and then again from John Assaraf. They both describe a study done by NASA. NASA made astronauts in training wear a set of glasses that turned the world around them upside down. They were made to wear these glasses for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. What they found surprised them at the time. They found that after 21-30 days that the astronauts that wore these glasses continuously, suddenly had a switch. Apparently their brains automatically flipped their world back. Their brains were trained to turn the world back around right side up even though they were wearing these glasses. They also found that if anyone removed the glasses ,before this 21-30 day interval, they would have to start completely over and go through another 21-30 day interval to have this phenomena occur.
John Assaraf spent time finding out why this happened and what he found out was that our brains have a RAS (Reticular Activating System). This is basically a way for our brains to create pathways. These pathways become the nonconscious beliefs (empowering or self limiting) and the habits (good and bad). That we create. By working with this system we can change the self limiting beliefs and habits that we want to. (There is a wiki site explaining this sytem more scientifically for those that wish to follow up on this work.)
The following are some ways and some resources that can assist you in taking steps to work on your nonconscious brain.
In The Secret; John Assaraf explains how vision boards worked for him; how he had cut out a picture of his dream house and 5 years later unknowningly found himself in that exact home. Vision boards can be done on poster board, they can be put together in a notebook that you can look through on a regular basis. I also wrote an article on how to put together a vision board (I called it a vision jpeg) that could be the background of your computer screen. This article can be found here.
Subliminal Audio and Visual
There are different ways to create subliminal audio and visual tools. The following are some great ideas if you dont feel like creating your own. One of these provides you the ability to change the affirmations so that they are custom for you.
A wonderful application that you can load on your PC and have it run through a set of subliminal applications is called MindMaster. This application can be customized so that the subliminal messages are yours and they can include words and pictures. I have been using this myself and have seen awesome results with changing eating habits and also persistence and determination around moving my business forward. They offer a free trial to try it out. Click here to get more information.
Another example of something you can put together with your own images, music and words is called Mind Movies. Click here to find out more information on how you can build a movie that you watch daily that has been customized with pieces that will drive you personally.
YouTube has some great examples but they wont be fully customized for you personally but are free and are very well done. Click here for an example on YouTube.
As you can see there are so many ways to use some great technology and applications that can assist you in moving the habits and self limiting beliefs to ones that will empower you and assist you in living the