Layers, Life and Learning

May 21, 2016 by · Comments Off
Filed under: Play by Play 

“The heart is where the pain comes from. And this is why you feel so many disturbances as you go through the day. You have this core of pain deep in your heart. Your personality traits and behavior patterns are all about avoiding this pain.” – Michael A. Singer (the untethered soul)

The pain he is referring to is the fear. Its an underlying fear that is based in things we experienced during the forming years of our childhood. As a child, we are so full of wonder and so open the small things (and big things for many) created a slap to all that wonder and openness. We began to build armor. This layer was to protect ourselves from the pain. Think of a child of a divorce. This places one parent as a main caretaker (today that has changed with a more shared responsibility – parenting plans that put the children with each parent equally are encouraged) the other parent becomes an every other weekend parent. Think about how excited that child gets when it comes to that weekend they get to see that other parent. They were used to having that person in their life 24×7 and now it’s every other weekend. The excitement best windowthat builds up is huge. Now witness what it might feel like to that child to be sitting there, bag packed, waiting on the bed looking out the window. A glance at the clock. Back out the window. Its 5 minutes past time. Now 10. Now 15. The phone rings in the other room. The other parent is sick, not feeling well – they aren’t going to to make it. That child may not be able to fully put the thoughts together, but they feel pain. If they were able to put it into words they might ask or wonder why that parent was able to be with them while they all lived together. Hadn’t they spent time together when that parent was living at home and ill? Why would they cancel a visit? A child might not think logically through this. All they feel is pain. So, there is a layer built around that heart to cover pain. The next time the visit comes up, the bag is packed but suddenly there is the added listening for the phone to ring. The majority of the time it doesn’t ring – but they are still arriving past the time they said they would. Sometimes 5 minutes, sometimes an hour and still sometimes that call did come saying there was too much work, that they didn’t feel good or stating some other conflict that was going to keep them from seeing each other. Humans are adaptable. As something like this happens to a child they build a layer over their heart to keep from feeling the pain. Eventually they are still packing their bag, but their true expectation (this is the protection) is that the visit is not happening. That way when it does happen it is all fun, great and fantastic. As the child grows up, more often than not, that pain never goes away. We aren’t usually taught how to handle that pain, we keep it all inside. Every time there is a plan with anyone they have that same underlying fear. There is an expectation that they will have the person they have plans with change at the last moment.   Now when they are looking at the clock and their date is 5-10 minutes late it is a physical reaction. The heart beats faster, the mind starts racing and imagining that they will cancel, there is a fear and anxiety that they no longer connect with those childhood moments. Only the fear is there. Protective armor and thoughts kick in. But it is that pain from childhood that is being felt. This can trigger hurt and even anger. The other person gets confused and hurt. They wonder why the person is angry and maybe even wonder why there is anger and not worry about safety. And wouldn’t you know it? The universe brings people into our lives that trigger that pain on purpose. They bring a chronically late person into our lives. Thus, the conflict and opportunities for growth and learning.   The rehashing of these wounds can lead us to personal and spiritual growth if we choose that.

“This is why simple everyday interactions can affect you so much. If the core pain was not motivation behind proving yourself each day what people say” (or do) “would not affect you. But since avoiding the core pain is why you’re trying to prove yourself you end up bringing the potential for pain into everything that happens. You end up so sensitive that you are unable to live in this world without getting hurt” – Michael A. Singer (an untethered soul)

In the book I have been quoting, an untethered soul, he says there are two choices. The first is to leave the pain inside and continue to struggle with the outside events that keep triggering the pain. The second choice, he says, is to make a conscious decision that you no longer want to spend your entire life avoiding the inner pain. I pull a handful of things out of his writing that would help with this:

  • Don’t be afraid of it (the pain and fears)
  • View this pain and fear as a temporary shift of energy.
  • Realize rejection, abandonment or the other associated fears are truly, in reality, nothing to be afraid of.
  • Know that to be free and enjoy life spending the energy and time worrying about the “what if’s” are going to waste valuable time that could be spent enjoying the NOW and just BEING.
  • This would mean that when someone is late, that the person with these childhood fears would look at the pain, feel it, and realize it is a fleeting emotion, just some energy.   Realizing that there is a choice to be made to feed into the fear or release it is ours to make.

parfaitI resonate strongly with all of this. In my heart I know that being able to look at these fears in this way is a tool.  Stopping the habit, building new neural pathways, is harder than a book (or blog!) makes it sound. The layers for me (and I believe for all of us) are complex. It is taking a lot of time and patience, which I often lack) to get to know myself, to understand the reactions and feelings I have been covering up with layers of protection for so many years now.  As each layer is peeled away, there are new things there. The path of life is a journey – there isn’t a final destination. Taking things one day at a time, smelling the flowers along the way, listening to music and DANCING, finding love and joy right from the heart is my goal. Making the way through the layers is just part of life – We can choose to look at layers like onions, or we can look at layers like PARFAITS…..

Stepping Into Fear – Towards Love

May 19, 2016 by · Comments Off
Filed under: Play by Play 


“The spiritual journey is one of constant transformation. In order to grow, you must give up the struggle to remain the same, and learn to embrace change at all times. One of the most important areas requiring change is how we solve our personal problems. We normally attempt to solve our inner disturbances by protecting ourselves. Real transformation begins when you embrace your problems as agents for growth.” — Michael A. Singer (the untethered soul)

Knowing that the challenges and problems of life lead to growth is not new for me. I live my life, both work and personal, purposely and intentionally on a clear journey of improvement. I am always looking for ways to improve, be better; get better. Finding ways to be a better mom, a better leader, have a better team.  As I have focused on this recently I have recognized a pattern in my love/partner relationships. I believe we often look outside ourselves and at the other person as being the issue, but there comes a time in life where we realize that it is never about the other person. It is all about ourselves. Opening our eyes wide enough to see the patterns is key in helping us take the next step to growth and learning. And it is that time for me.

It’s time for me to learn and grow and make some changes. It is time to stop participating in the pattern by default. The pattern can be comfortable but when I truly look inside, I know I am not happy with comfortable. I am ready for discomfort. I am ready to step into the fear and move from comfort to authenticity and joy.

We enable the continuation of these patterns through different learned behaviors. As I am making this line in the sand and saying – time to change – some of the behaviors I will be focusing on are:

Lack of boundaries: By not creating boundaries it becomes easy to accept things that after a prolonged period of time together aren’t conducive to having an intimate relationship.

fear coasterFear: There are fears we all have – if we let them run our life we can easily escape from not only things that are good for us but the lessons learned even from someone or something that is not

Woundedness: We all grew up with certain levels of dysfunction in our lives. That, in whatever form it came in, created a part of us that reacts from a wounded place. Perhaps a compliant caretaking place, or controlling fearful place or anywhere in between; or even seesawing between different ends of the spectrum.

Self Love: Most of us don’t.   Even those with lots of big talk about how great they are, even they and maybe even more so, they have a gap around loving themselves. My heart absolutely knows that it is important to know that focusing on having a strong base and a true love for the self is important work and can help create a true ability to not only be comfortable with our selves in all kinds of circumstances but only when we love ourselves can we be truly authentic and find the ability to not only love but be loved.

The inner work I focus on to an exhaustive level (big sigh!), I know – has been a key to my getting more in touch with myself. The largest part of this consists of recognizing my reactions and feelings that I was not cognizant of earlier. The more in touch with my feelings the more I realize how much I have been on automatic pilot. The more I see how very reactionary I have been.   I withdraw and fly away as quickly as I can. Instead of running, what would happen if I step into the fear. What would happen if I stay, learn how to communicate my feelings, take conflict head on, tell people how I feel?

As I start blogging again, that is what I am hoping to share with my one or two readers.  I have realized that this writing is not necessarily about getting readers but helping me organize my thoughts. To take the things that I am learning and hearing and reform it, rewrite it in some format that I am working on the message again… all for myself… and hey, if one person reads it and gets something from it… its like the starfish story that I have used many, many times —


Truth, Triumph, and Transformation

June 16, 2010 by · Comments Off
Filed under: New Releases 

New Law of Attraction Book – Truth, Triumph, and Transformation

Author: Sandra Anne Taylor

Are you frustrated with the way things have been going for you lately? Tired of simplistic approaches to magnetism and success? The truth is, there’s more to the process than most people realize. The source of your destiny goes much deeper than just your thoughts. Other important factors, like natural cycles, shared consciousness, karma, environment, and your soul’s intention, will influence what you draw to your life.

In this enlightening book, Sandra Anne Taylor examines the many elements of destiny creation, and separates the reliable facts from the confusing fiction that has built up around the Universal Laws. She offers a unique and comprehensive understanding as to why things really happen, empowering you to triumph over difficult cycles without self-blame or fear. No matter what obstacles you may encounter, your consciousness can turn adversity into great opportunity! Let go of the lies . . . and learn the whole truth. Your life will be transformed like never before!