“The spiritual journey is one of constant transformation. In order to grow, you must give up the struggle to remain the same, and learn to embrace change at all times. One of the most important areas requiring change is how we solve our personal problems. We normally attempt to solve our inner disturbances by protecting ourselves. Real transformation begins when you embrace your problems as agents for growth.” — Michael A. Singer (the untethered soul)
Knowing that the challenges and problems of life lead to growth is not new for me. I live my life, both work and personal, purposely and intentionally on a clear journey of improvement. I am always looking for ways to improve, be better; get better. Finding ways to be a better mom, a better leader, have a better team. As I have focused on this recently I have recognized a pattern in my love/partner relationships. I believe we often look outside ourselves and at the other person as being the issue, but there comes a time in life where we realize that it is never about the other person. It is all about ourselves. Opening our eyes wide enough to see the patterns is key in helping us take the next step to growth and learning. And it is that time for me.
It’s time for me to learn and grow and make some changes. It is time to stop participating in the pattern by default. The pattern can be comfortable but when I truly look inside, I know I am not happy with comfortable. I am ready for discomfort. I am ready to step into the fear and move from comfort to authenticity and joy.
We enable the continuation of these patterns through different learned behaviors. As I am making this line in the sand and saying – time to change – some of the behaviors I will be focusing on are:
Lack of boundaries: By not creating boundaries it becomes easy to accept things that after a prolonged period of time together aren’t conducive to having an intimate relationship.
Woundedness: We all grew up with certain levels of dysfunction in our lives. That, in whatever form it came in, created a part of us that reacts from a wounded place. Perhaps a compliant caretaking place, or controlling fearful place or anywhere in between; or even seesawing between different ends of the spectrum.
Self Love: Most of us don’t. Even those with lots of big talk about how great they are, even they and maybe even more so, they have a gap around loving themselves. My heart absolutely knows that it is important to know that focusing on having a strong base and a true love for the self is important work and can help create a true ability to not only be comfortable with our selves in all kinds of circumstances but only when we love ourselves can we be truly authentic and find the ability to not only love but be loved.
The inner work I focus on to an exhaustive level (big sigh!), I know – has been a key to my getting more in touch with myself. The largest part of this consists of recognizing my reactions and feelings that I was not cognizant of earlier. The more in touch with my feelings the more I realize how much I have been on automatic pilot. The more I see how very reactionary I have been. I withdraw and fly away as quickly as I can. Instead of running, what would happen if I step into the fear. What would happen if I stay, learn how to communicate my feelings, take conflict head on, tell people how I feel?
As I start blogging again, that is what I am hoping to share with my one or two readers. I have realized that this writing is not necessarily about getting readers but helping me organize my thoughts. To take the things that I am learning and hearing and reform it, rewrite it in some format that I am working on the message again… all for myself… and hey, if one person reads it and gets something from it… its like the starfish story that I have used many, many times —