Don’t Quit Till You Have Nothing Left
We can all do more than what we think we can do! Can we be our own coach and drive ourselves to the point that we have nothing left? Till we reach our desires? To continue working with our kids to help them reach adulthood with a good base to make it in our world; to learn and grow?
What do you think success is? It is completely subjective, it is different for every person out there. John Maxwell, someone who has been in the business of leadership and success describes his finding. He said it is understanding your purpose in life. Knowing your purpose in life becomes a stability for ones life. It creates true focus and it becomes an anchor in life that becomes a confidence based on a knowledge of purpose.
As I have moved into finding my passions and purpose, I agree with what he says. How about you? What do you think success is?
I ran into this as I was reading comments from one of Darren Hardy’s video blogs. I thought it was great and wanted to share it with others!
I once asked an old man to say something wise,
and the words that unfolded – were a welcome surprise.
He started by saying, “Tell me, son – What is it you seek?”
“Success in hurry,” I blurted, “because my future looks bleak!”
“Times are tough.” I continued, with a little regret.
Because what he said next, I will never forget.
“If quick success is what you seek to find,
it’s already been found – and it’s a matter of time.
You say ‘times are tough’ – and now look at this clock.
There’s more to these hands than the tick and the tock.
You see only one hand in motion, but I can see all three.
It’s the way all things work, just take it from me.
The ‘Seconds’ hand moves fast, so it’s easy to spot;
Soon you’ll recognize it’s the seed, to plant in your plot.
Most see ‘small’ as insignificant, but I know it’s the start;
for your very life lives with the small beats of your heart.
If those never started, or continued – Then where would you be?
Nothing’s insignificant, you see – because seeds become trees.
Your seeds are the small actions that you must eagerly take;
the seconds sprout into minutes – the right time to cultivate.
Keep on moving here, because it takes time and vital care;
we all know who won the race of the Tortoise and Hare.
It wasn’t because the Tortoise was slow that he won the race,
he proved, ‘steady’ fares better than any back-breaking pace.
Minutes are the well-formed habits that add-up to become Hours,
just like seeds become buds, and then those become flowers.
This is a tough time for many – in fact, most will quit.
See, our culture has taught that good results must always come quick.
‘If you’re doing it right – you’ll see results right away.’
But, that’s not the way things work – I’m sorry to say.
Cultivation comes before the harvest – It has always been this way!
As the Seconds become Minutes, soon the Hours will begin to pass.
You’re on the track to success, just check your looking glass.
Your looking glass is in your mind’s eye – and only you can see it there,
Look there for your results, or else you’ll begin to look elsewhere.
Consistency with a purpose is what you are after,
and vision for outcomes is what you will master.
The fruit of the harvest, has arrived in your mind,
taste it, and feel it – it’s the best of it’s kind.
Hours and fruit, you’ll have all you need,
Minutes of nourishment, and Seconds of seed.
Although success can’t be hurried, it can be assured.
Don’t be like the others – who’s vision got blurred.
The key to getting started, is to start right away.
Don’t be like the rest – getting started ‘someday’.
Someday never comes, I can say without doubt.
See the tears in my eyes? My time has run out.
Success is not a secret: You have all you need!
It’s your time to get started: Now you are my seed!
You’ve asked for success, and now have the keys in mind,
it’s not about talent, luck, or even hard work – you’ll find;
Success is just a series of simple small steps, repeated in time.”
~ By Tobias Sedillos
This is really great!!
The words to this song is something we should all keep in mind and remember. I love that this is something going out to the kids!
If what I am is what you need then Ill stay strong that’s who I’ll be and I will always be the best me that I can be
There’s only one me I admit have a dream I ‘ll follow it I admit it’s up to me to try
Oh, Im gonna keep my head up high keep on reaching high never gonna quit Ill keep getting stronger And nothing’s gonna bring me down never gonna stop gotta go because I know I’ll keep on getting stronger
And what I am is … thoughtful, musical, smart, eight, helpful, special
There is nothing I can’t achieve because in myself I believe in gonna keep our heads up high keep on reaching high never going to quit Just keep getting stronger and nothing is gonna bring us down never giving up gotta go because I know Ill keep getting stronger
What I am is…. Super, Proud, friendly, grouchy,
What you are is….magical, special
There is nothing I can’t achieve, cause in myself I believe. Going to hold my head up high, keep on reaching high Im never going to stop I’ll keep on getting stronger; Nothings going to bring me down; never give it up gotta go Ill keep getting stronger
It is that time of year! As the weather gets cold, Thanksgiving is around the corner and as soon as Thanksgiving hits the holidays and holiday parties are right behind that. And, if you are like me, a daughter’s birthday is in between all of this! In addition to the normal routines and things that need to be done we become busy with meal planning, gift buying, social calendar organizing, baking goodies and for many – this also becomes a time for numerous volunteer activities and needs from schools, work, and in our communities. It is a normal time that we over commit and over do. We over do our commitments, we over do social activities and we over drink and eat. Or at least many do!
If we always do this then it is important to find a way to deal with the emotions that arise during this busy time of year (and can also be applied to other busy, overwhelming times in your life).
One thing is Definite
Not everything will get done. It is fact. And.. life goes on! It always does. I have never heard of someone being physically hurt because something that had been planned didn’t get done. Keep this in mind as you start feeling overwhelmed. Often, something that you have in your mind, on your list to do, that does not get done – will not even be missed (unless you choose to lament about it!!!)
Put your things to do in a priority. Most important to least important. This should follow your values, it it doesn’t you will find that you will not accomplish what you really want and need to, or at minimum you will continue to beat yourself up for not getting everything on your list done.
Perfection can be looked at in two ways. It either NEVER happens or – alternatively it is always perfect. Obsessing over perfection not only drives you crazy it also drives everyone around you crazy. Your family, those you count on helping, etc. If you do YOUR best everything will be just the way it needs to be. And again, depending on how you are more comfortable looking at something, it will either never be perfect, or, you can choose to look at it and know that it is perfect just the way it is.
It IS a busy time, it is a time where we have many things to do, but remember, it does happen to us often (not only at this time of the year) and it ALWAYS works out. Being able to choose a place of knowing this… will make you (and those around you) feel so much better and in the long run, is better for your health!
This last week has been a great week. I keep learning more and more and the things that I am learning seem to be fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. Last post talked about ways to work on the limiting beliefs we have. I met with a new friend and she talked about how the affirmation and subliminal stuff is something that she never got into. I really respect that, her life has been amazing, she has lived in other countries, gotten awesome jobs that she might not have; all without the tools that I work with. For some, the techniques of having a vision, and knowing it will evolve, come naturally and easy. For others, the feelings of inadequacy and impatience often get in our way.
There are some other things that I want to share with you on how to change our limiting beliefs and the habits we have created. This idea moves away from creating new pathways in your brain however I am using it with these tools and techniques. (If you haven’t read this post, you can find it here.)
This particular tool deals with our pain and pleasure. We all operate in our lives by looking for pleasure and avoiding pain. The problem is, we strive for the pleasure or avoidance of pain in the short term results rather than the long term. We will tend to do something that gives us short term pleasure and get pain in the long run. For instance, I have been having difficulty getting myself out of bed early in the morning. Why? Because the short term pleasure (staying in a warm bed) is more important than the long term pain of all the things that don’t get done because I am choosing to go for the short time pleasure. The following are the steps to take to work through changing a habit that you have.
- Ask: what is the pain associated with this action that keeps me from taking it?
- Ask: what are all the pleasures received by not following through?
- Ask: what is the cost of not taking the steps; in the next 2-5 years?
- Ask: what will be gained by taking the action right now?
So, using my problem of getting up:
- The pain associated with getting up is the getting out of a warm bed, feeling tired and finding the pain of waking keeping me hitting the snooze.
- The pleasure is that I get to stay in bed all warm and cuddly and I get more sleep which feels so great!
- The cost is that I am not getting in to work when I want to, I am often not getting the walks in that I love, I am not getting in my reading time, or my journaling time, or my meditation. I am not getting the action steps done that I know I must do in order to have the successful business I want.
- If I woke up early (when I set my alarm) I would get my walks and meditation done which give me more energy for the day, I would get some of my self improvement things done (reading, journaling) which are helping propel me down the path I am determined to walk down and I would get the things done for my business which will take me closer to my dreams.
So, looking at it like this, my goodness, it is totally obvious what I really want to do, what I must do. Even if this seems to convince you, there is another step. The next thing to do is get very solid on why it is you want to make the change. Write 10 reasons why you want to change the habit, or take the action. Get very solid and clear.
By getting clear in our minds why we want to do it and then combine it with some of the tools and techniques talked about in a previous blog, the changed habit will occur soon because you know it must.
As usual I welcome your thoughts and suggestions!
In my last blog I talked about changing habits. As I read Self-Coaching by Joseph J. Luciani it became crystal clear that I have become quite the expert at some habits. Some habits that people have are obvious; like over eating or smoking; but there are other habits that we all have that are impacting our lives. In general, many of these are things that if we never changed, we could live a fairly reasonable life for the rest of our lives. If we continue to talk meanly to ourselves about how we should be doing this or should be doing that, we will still live reasonable, secure lives. However, if we want to achieve our dreams, if we want to take a step further towards improved lives; better financially, increased level of happiness and joy – then we could do this by taking a look at ourselves and some of these habits that are keeping us in our comfort zones.
How does a habit become a habit?
It might help to explain the brain a bit. There are two parts of your brain the conscious and nonconscious. I first heard the term nonconscious reading a book by John Assaraf and Murray Smith called The Answer. The term nonconscious is being used only to differentiate itself from the Freudian term unconscious. Basically Freud believed that the unconscious brain had some external force causing it to do something and so to make sure that there was no confusion the cognitive theorists used nonconscious to ensure that it was not confused with Freud’s. Today, the word unconscious is used for both. Our nonconscious or unconscious brain is much more powerful and busy than our conscious. The nonconscious brain controls 96-98% of perception and behavior. 96-98%! No wonder I have had such a difficult time working to improve myself and some things around me.
Our physical and mental habits reside in our nonconscious brains; this is where accomplishments and achievements take root. Habits are things that we have created by repeatedly doing something over and over. Thinking something over and over again becomes a habit of thought. Constantly looking in a mirror and talking to your self about how “bad” you or something is becomes a habit. This habit becomes an attitude or belief over time. And then beliefs become self-fulfilling. A belief is very powerful and we do a lot of protecting our beliefs. As we look in a mirror and the self talk chatter starts, as time moves forward and this happens every time we look into a mirror, eventually the talk that takes place is not actually heard any longer. Suddenly you are believing you are less than perfect or unattractive, Once this is a belief, our self care isn’t as good, our body language changes – our shoulders come forward, we don’t smile as much and generally create some truth out of what started out as very false self talk.
Wow! So this is how things that we are working to break through and overcome have become so entrenched in ourselves that they are things that occur without our thinking about and seem so very difficult to get to. Very difficult to see and to solve. That – and we are working to solve the problem witho our conscious brain. Our conscious brain is not good at modifying our habits – only at stating a goal or desire to do so. Since habits live in our nonconscous that is where they need to be changed.
In order to become successful in our lives and in our attempts to reach dreams and goals we need to work on ourselves. Personal development and personal growth are important to maximizing happiness. The better people we become, the better the world can become. Learning that we need to work at changing the habits and self limiting beliefs in order to move forward has been great information. I do believe my work is cut out for me!
“Change requires action, not reflection; motivation, not passivity; desire, not apathy; and a willingnes to see the truth rather than fiction. But most important, change requires that you recognize that no one and nothing is going to change you- except you.” –Joseph J. Luciani
I am writing this on a plane… on the way to Atlanta on a business trip. I actually love airplane flights, they give me time to read or often, time to just think. Thinking is something that happens all the time, but on a plane, it can be directed thinking. I just finished reading Self-Coaching by Joseph J. Luciani. As I have been working through my part in the problems in my life I continue to work on how I can move beyond some of the self sabatoging things I do.
As I am working through how to personally grow and work towards a life where I am working in the personal development industry I know that working and growing myself will always be something I concentrate on. I have been doing this type of work for almost 20 years. I liked Self Coaching – I liked the book because I know that for me what so many things boil down to, is my thinking and my self talk. Much of my thinking is unconscious; however as I have focused in on my self, I seem to be getting to a place where I am starting to become much more conscious of my thinking. I know that as I grow and think about helping others do the same I believe one key is to start hearing and knowing the throughts that are going through my head. I am often really hard on myself and haven’t recognized it. Now that I am recognizing it, it hurts. I have felt sadness over this and some anger – anger at circumstances that helped form this; but then there is realization that I have control. I have full control to change myself and my thinking so that I can get to the place I am trying to reach. Circumstances and things in my life are just that; I can choose to accept them and learn to realize that I don’t have to continue reacting the same way to them. I choose to step out and make the necessary changes to myself that will allow me take my life where I want to go.
One thing that this book said that I resonated with is that negative self talk, thinking and self sabatage is a habit. It is something I started doing very young and have really learned to do very well. I am an expert at it; so expert, that it has become natural. This book has taught me that I need to break these habits. There are habits of guilt that arise from thinking that I should do this and that I should do that. There are habits of not supporting myself; feeling deep down that I can not succeed at something that I really love; or that I may not be worthy of the success.
It isn’t that I haven’t had success – I have been very successful at many things in my life; however – as I strive to achieve the goal of working my passion I seem to stop before I try; I keep changing directions and having too many things to do and not taking enough action.
To me, Self Coaching suggests to first recognize that the struggling of life is due to the habits that we have formed as we have tried to control life. It suggests working on identifying the faulty thoughts that we think about things and to separate fact from fiction. The next step is to realize that you can choose to flip a switch and change the faulty thinking and turn the self talk to truths and see and believe the positive side of things. Then, it suggests to let go. Just let the thoughts that are sabatoging our life float away, like a balloon caught in the air drifing away. Then you need to ensure that you are working to believe the positive aspects of your life, having positive thoughts alone will not work, there needs to be a point where you BELIEVE the positive aspects of life. As this happens and successful challenges can be met, you will gain some energy that will allow you to keep up with the new way of doing things so that over time, the old habits of faulty thinking will be changed to a new habit of thinking and seeing the reality of life. That there is always a way to work your way out of any hole. You can do it.
Luciani pointed out that there are three truths:
- Let Life Unfold, there are no dead ends; only obstacles.
- Trust that your instincts and intuition will serve you
- Know that every problem has a solution although it may not immediately appear.
“Motivation isn’t mysterious. It’s the energy you feel when you are willing to risk believing that you can change your life.” – Joseph J. Luciani
I am willing to risk this belief, anyone with me?
This book greatly added to my work around this issue. The first that that she did was describe the relationships. She described the controller and the witness.
A controller is a person who, as a child, they were created from the outside in. Menaning that this child was not allowed to get in touch with their inner intuitive feelings and inner self. They were constantly told how they felt; what they wanted and if they tried to exert themselves they were put down. She used an example of a mother taking her daughter for ice cream. She asked her daughter “What kind of ice cream do you want”;
Her daughter replied “Vanilla”
“Oh, you don’t want vanilla, look at all these flavors”
“Vanilla is fine”; repeated the daughter
“How about cotton candy?”
“Just Vanilla? You are a strange one”
This little girl stood her ground. How often do kids do this? This little girl was told that she was strange because she doesn’t like vanilla. So, if the child does not go ahead and choose another kind, they then take on this complex that they are strange, or some other “name” that the parent chooses. This ultimately builds the child from the outside in.
So controllers are built from the outside in; they are disconnected from their intuitive self; thus they need desperately to be connected to something thus the control aspect kicks in. Someone that isn’t connected to themselves – they work to connect to others from the outside in and they connect to what Patricia Evans referred to as a witness. They are a witness because they often experience the controller doing or saying things that are irrational.
The connection a controller has with another becomes their safety zone.
For someone that is built from the outside in also builds others from the outside in. They have a picture of the “perfect” spouse, or the “perfect” child, or the “perfect” employee or the “perfect” friend. When this person doesn’t act perfect the controller acts irrational. This behavior happens basically because the controller becomes afraid of disconnection, they see that the person before them and the person in their mind is not the same therefore they feel loss. Controllers will see things that don’t exist, they have conversations that never happen, they fight desperately to prove that they are right.
I saw myself in both roles, both a witness (thus my current work) but also in the controller role. As I have done work on growing and becoming a better person, I believe that the controller in me is easing up; however – I often look at myself and others from the outside in.
Working with this information about controllers and my previous work on dealing with others that always have to be right I am not focusing in on ensuring I continue to do my personal growth and personal development work. It becomes even more important that I know who I am, what I want and what I stand for. I need to live my life from my truth thus being able to be the spell-breaker that Patricia Evans also describes in her book and ensure that I am letting others do the same.
The ideas that Patricia gave on how to break the spell is to
- live from ones own inner truth
- respect boundaries
- do not react to the irrational actions as if they were valid
- build your life on truth
- protect your children
- speak up
- ask questions of the controller when they say something irrational
- What did you say?
- I heard that
- What are you doing?
- ask questions of the controller when they say something irrational
Would love to hear your thoughts about this post; other recommendations? Comments? Additional Information?